Kids, settle down, I have an announcement to make.
Shut up! Shut-up!
I have a very sad announcement to make.
The school drama club's annual theatre performance is upon us
and the school board has requested an upbeat musical.
Nooooooo!
My sentiments exactly.
I have been ordered to to direct so I have begrudgingly accepted.
Auditions will be posted on the bulletin board.
That is all.
Auditions, huh? Competitiveness, narcissism,
the fear of humiliation and rejection.
Perfect breeding ground for the book.
I better crash the auditions just in case the book shows up.
That's exactly what I was thinking!
Boy, are we in sync today, or what?
Curtis--
corn chips!
Sorry.
Mr. Murphy--
as the star of the drama club, I feel it is my duty
to dissuade you from doing a musical.
They're so proletarian.
I totally agree. Art is for the simple-minded.
But, the school board has spoken, Charlotte,
and unfortunately, we must all comply.
Are you coming up here?
How about a Greek tragedy, or an existential drama?
The kind of theatre that will allow students to question their environment
and penetrate the deep layers of their conflicted souls.
The only thing these students are interested in penetrating is each other.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go back
to my office and rage ineffectually.
Ding! Laaaa laaaaa!
Ding! Laaaaa laaaa laaaaa!
Ding! Laaaaaaaaaa!
Ding! Laaaaaaaaa!
Energy pulse
energy pulse
laaaaaaaaaaaaa...
The phantom of crowley high
- tradução e sincronia: Rai - adriano_csi
equipe subsfreak ?
Here I stand, silently weeping,
forever alone in the suicide raining.
That was wonderful.
I didn't know you could sing.
There's a lot you don't know about me, Jenny.
Okay, who is next?
I am, Mr. Murphy, and I will be singing
"the battle of Babylon" by vagina conquerer.
Oh, yes, a classic.
♪ hell hath no fury like a prisoner unchained ♪
♪ the battle of Babylon shouts out my name - to fight! ♪
* in the battle of Babylon! *
♪ the battle of babylooon! ♪
so this is what passes for talent these days!
Okay, I think I've seen enough!
You get the male lead, Todd.
What?!
Awesome. So, what musical are we doing?
No idea.
The female lead will be played by je--
I'm not convinced.
Okay, I'm convinced! You got the lead!
What the hell, man? You were about to pick me!
You can stop singing now, Charlotte.
Stop. Singing.
The music's inside meeeeee
holy Jupiter shit! What happened to your tongue?
Where did you learn how to do that?
My parents locked me out of the house. A lot.
I don't think we should do this, Curtis.
Just think of it as investigating.
I know Mr. Murphy may have weaseled his way onto the team,
but I have seen his true face, Hannah,
and it's the face of a satanist worshiper.
He worships satanists?
Look, when I saw him at the retirement home,
he was talking to an old man in a hooded robe.
A hooded robe! Don't you watch horror movies?
Okay, prepare to have your mind totally blown.
He-yeah!
Wow, look at all those sweater vests.
I wonder which one is his satanist sweater vest.
I've got an idea. Kiss me.
Gross.
Oh. Hi, kids.
Please continue.
We really dodged a bullet there.
Huhhhh...
Where are you-- was it something I said?
So, atticus, our sources tell us that finding the book
is no longer your number one priority.
Oh, you heard about the musical.
You people seem to forget that
I'm actually an employee at this place.
The drama club must be the least of the school's priorities.
Especially if they've put a no-talent fool in charge.
Well, I guess that's all the reason I need to prove you wrong.
Father--
I'm going to direct the greatest musical crowley high has ever seen
and then we'll see who the no-talent fool is.
It'll still be you.
I said we'll see!
I'll leave your tickets at will-call.
Last night I browsed the entire Cannon
of twentieth century musical theatre--
and they all sucked.
So I present to you the greatest musical ever written.
And I wrote it.
"The bowels of hell"?
It's 2 pages and one is a title page.
And there are no songs.
We'll flesh it out in rehearsal.
"The bowels of hell" is the story of a young boy who must give up
the girl of his dreams, because of his father's strict religion.
Aw, it should be a heavy metal musical.
What is the appeal of this-- this metal music?
The appeal is mostly that parents hate it.
A metal musical it is then.
Okay, you two--
Charlotte's tragic accident and mysterious disappearance dun-dun-dun! -
the female lead will be played by my favorite gal, Jenny.
Take a bow, Jenny.
Thud!
Holy Jupiter shit...
Now I don't have to tell her I was cutting her part.
Fuck!
Cough!
Ahhhh!
Hey!
Hey, you dropped your-- your tongue...
Hey, don't be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you.
Are you having a bad day?
Do you want to talk about it?
Don't cry, it's okay.
Look, see I'm a freak, too, just like you.
La-la-la, I'm freaking out. No big deal!
What are you laughing at?
Freak love.
I've got myself some freak love
and boy does it feel good
I've got permanent wood
freak love for 2 freaks in loooveª
I have a plastic arm
she's got a severed tongue
the world can mock our love
but it don't bother us none ª
my days of masturbation are a thing of the past
I only pray she'll let me fondle her ample funbags
why can't I stop thinking of that kiss?
It's driving me maaaad
why do I dream of him fondling, fondling my ample fun baaaags
ample fun baaags... Ample fun baaags...
Ample fun baaaags...
It's so easy to love her
I don't even have to try
she's so warm and she's so sweet
she wouldn't hurt a fly
she's my muse, she's my mate, she's my very best friend
sorry, Todd, but it's true--
I'm gonna love my freak loooove...
Til the very...
Freaky end...
Art-is-pain.
I know there's been some grumbling about
this production's rather alarming mortality rate, but remember,
there can be no art without the risk of mutilation or death.
Screw this. I'm not going to be art's next target.
Where you going, Jenny?
Time for you and Todd to rehearse your love scene.
Jenny! Clearly, the book is at work here.
All these deaths, they can't be a coincidence!
We've got to stay.
I hate it when you're right.
Let's rehearse.
These lips are off-limits until opening night.
And no tongue!
Curtis, we need to talk about your friend, Charlotte.
Do you mean my girlfrien d ?
Right. Your girlfriend.
And here's the best part-- I'm her boyfriend.
Everything's coming up Curtis!
Okay, don't get too excited.
I did some investigating and before the auditions
she couldn't sing a single note.
Then all of a sudden she has the voice of an angel.
Then she loses her tongue! Then the mysterious deaths begin!
I'm not sure where you're going with this one, Hannah...
Charlotte has the book!
Oh... I see what's going on here.
You do?
Yeah, I finally meet someone who likes me for who I am
and your first reaction is to assume she's evil?
I expected this from Todd and Jenny, but not from you, Hannah!
I thought you'd be happy for me!
How could I be happy for you?
You're dating the phantom of crowley high!
Charlotte's not a phantom! She's my soul mate!
And if society can't accept our love, then I reject society!
Slam!
Oh, Mary Jane, when I'm with you I feel so many
wonderful things!
As do I, Jeremy! I've never felt this way about a boy before!
Then, kiss me, Mary Jane!
No! Ugh!
♪ what is this girl doing in your room? ♪
♪ didn't I say she's not the one for you? ♪
* she's not a member of our religion *
♪ she is a whore and perhaps a heathen ♪
* I can't let you do it! I won't let you do it! No, no, no! *
♪ father, why do you cause me so much pain? ♪
* let me go steady with my Mary Jane! *
♪ for I love he and he loves me! ♪
♪ all love should be religion-free! ♪
♪ we can't let you do it! We won't let you do it! ♪
* no, no, no! *
I gotta pee.
♪ take her away! Sentence her to death! ♪
* no son of mine! Your daddy knows best! *
spank! Spank!
Hey, Jimmy.
Why the long face?
Dude, somebody stole my dynamite collection.
Oh, that sucks, man. I know you had some really rare dynamite.
What could anyone possibly want with that much dynamite?
Unless they plan on blowing up something big.
Like the school.
Nah, no one's that insane.
♪ yeeaaaaahh! ♪
♪ I stand before you a proud and happy dad ♪
♪ for today my boy becomes a maaaaan! ♪
♪ I'm so depressed, I think I'm gonna puke! ♪
♪ if I'm the bride, then who's the groom? ♪
holy Jupiter shit!
Let the ancient ceremony begin!
♪ someone save me before this gets any worse ♪
♪ I am angel warrior, Satan's foe! ♪
♪ slashing my way through hell's infernooooo! ♪
Charlotte, no!
But you're my disabled, deranged freak.
I have no idea what you just said
but it's curtains for you, bitch!
Sorry, can you repeat that?
Your fetus popped?
My jamming device will obstruct your frequency!
Well, you got me on that one...
No, don't!
Catfight on a catwalk!
You don't deserve Curtis!
Noooo!
Nooo-- ughhhhh!
Charlotte, no!
I meant to use this hand.
Curtis!
♪ didn't get to kiss his Mary ♪
♪ didn't get to pop his cherry ♪
what poison did you use?
Calebos curare.
Acokanthera?
♪ his horny needs ♪
♪ I need to make his fountain jet ♪
♪ my lady parts are moist and wet ♪
strophanthus?
Calebos carare!
Antiaris toxicaria?
♪ jeremyyyyy! ♪
cyanide? German herpes??
Calebos curare!
If I ever see you again, I will kill you myself!
Ahhhhhh!
Ugh!
Why, Jeremy, I see that... My friend, the angel of mercy
has fallen from heaven... And revived you herself!
Damn it!
* our love is awesome the way love should be! *
♪ free from pain and bes-ti-al-ityyy! ♪
thank you.
Hang in there, Curtis.
Thank you. Thank you, all.
Charlotte?
No, it's Hannah, Curtis. Charlotte's gone.
She's gone?
- Hey, Curtis. - Hey, Hannah.
- Thanks for saving my life. - Yeah, anytime.
Sorry the love of your life turned out to be a complete psycho.
These things happen.
Curtis, I don't know much about relationships,
but I know that the right girl is out there somewhere.
And when you find her, she'll be
the luckiest girl in the world.
Thanks, Hannah.